ارسالها: 1068
#51
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:27
Which Bus?
A drunk gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says ‘I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell!’
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, ‘Damn, I'm on the wrong bus!’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#52
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:28
Diet
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said ‘I haven't eaten anything in four days.’
She looked at him and said, ‘God, I wish I had your will power.’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#53
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:29
How many...?
Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#54
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:30
Two Little Boys
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine and one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and takes it to the checkout. The cashier asks ‘Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?’
The nine-year old replies, ‘Nope, not for my mom.’
Without thinking, the cashier responded, ‘Well, they must be for your sister then?’
The nine year old responded, ‘Nope, not for my sister either.’
The cashier had now become curious.
‘Oh! Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?’
The nine year old says, ‘They're for my four year old little brother.’
The cashier is surprised.
‘Your four year old little brother?’
The nine year old explains, ‘Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#55
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:31
Whole-Wheat Bread
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, ‘Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!’
Leon replies, ‘You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?’
To which Elmer said, ‘Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!’
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, ‘May I help you?’
‘Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please,’ said Leon.
‘That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!’ the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, ‘Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#56
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:32
Hunting Accident
Two hunters were hunting deer when one accidentally shot his friend.
At the hospital the friend underwent hours of emergency surgery as the doctors tried to save him.
The doctors were working in shifts, and one was taking his break. He walked by the waiting room where the shooter spotted him. The shooter approached the doctor and asked if his friend would be okay.
The doctor looked at him and said, ‘Well, he WOULD have been if you hadn't gutted him.’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#57
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:32
Torn Ligaments
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, ‘Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.’
Josh, ‘Gee, I never knew you played hockey.’
Andy, ‘No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television.’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#58
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:33
The Psychic Hotline
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: ‘You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.’
The frog is thrilled, ‘This is great! Will I meet her at a party?’
‘No,’ says his Advisor, ‘in her biology class.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#59
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:34
The Little Hero
Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when a rabid Rottweiler attacks one.
Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
‘Young Fourty-Niners' Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,’ he starts writing in his notebook.
‘But I'm not a ‘Niners' fan,’ the little hero replied.
‘Sorry, since we are in San Francisco I just assumed you were,’ said the reporter and starts again.
‘Little Oakland Raiders' Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack’ he continued writing in his notebook.
‘I'm not a Raiders' fan either,’ the boy said.
‘I assumed everyone in the Bay Area was either for the ‘Niners' or Raiders.
What team do you root for?’ the reporter asked.
‘I'm a Cowboys' fan,’ the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, ‘Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.’
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
ارسالها: 1068
#60
Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:34
Wilt The Stilt
Wilt Chamberlain's ball was sold for $551,000. This is highest dollar amount involved with Chamberlain's balls since his last paternity suit.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
صفحه 6 از 11